I can't deal with my brother anymore. To many this situation might have an easy solution, but not to me.
Since I recall being alive, he was there. He was my best friend many times, and also my worst enemy - always in the child's point of view. We would fight and be brother and sister again the next minute. I could tell him everything, and trust thim to do the same the other way around. I felt that he looked up to me, and so I tried to be the best, the brightest, to be right and trustworthy. But that won't work anymore.
There's no way to know for sure, to put a finger on it and tell when things started to change, but they did. And I'm clueless. I fell hopeless.
I can't blame school, or friends, or family, as I know them all and they didn't change me much throughout the years, but the thing is that something changed him. He's happy, but he isn't happy near me. I feel that he hates me - when we fight, he wants me dead. Every little thing is a mean to start an argument; our angry words hurt, and stay. The next day we won't be friends again, we won't look at eachother, we won't laugh. He'll be better, going to school and meeting friends he likes, but I won't. I can't stop thinking about it.
To most people - those who don't like their brothers and sisters, or simply don't love them enough - my problems may seem stupid and my fears pointless. On my part, I can't find suitable words to describe how it is for me; think of a best friend who walks away suddenly, and you don't know what was it that you did wrong. My heart breaks. Everytime.
I know it's ridiculous writing this here, because no one reads my journal, but I had to. If you're reading this, please give me some help. I don't want to, but perhaps I'll need to live somewhere else if I can't figure this out.
Tags: ending, family, fight, sad
Current Mood: sad